Insomnia is a fear. Its not like one, it is one. Since beginning my treck through the dark and cold insomnia forest, I continually fear the moment when I will go to bed and it will hit. And, of course, that fear (or "anxiety" as a doctor might call it) then results in insomnia. And the vicious cycle continues.
It is important to note here that, at least for the past week and a half, I have been actually sleeping like a normal human being. One that needs a pill to sleep, but still, normal. Going to bed at a normal time, getting up feeling refreshed and ready for the day.
Yeah...Not tonight.
Tonight, regardless of the fact that I am seriously mentally exhausted from work, and have exercised today, I went to bed and BAM. ARMS. We call it ARMS around this house, because it manifests itself as my restless arms, that won't stop twitching, rendering sleep completely impossible. I HATE HATE HATE ARMS. After the arms get me back out of bed, I am wide awake, my heart racing.
Then the phase of watching the clock begins. "If I go to sleep now I will get 7 hours...6 hours...5 hours...4 hours (the day is now ruined and I am going to suck at work)...3 hours...you get the picture. Panic. I have so much to do at work. I cannot be tired. Panic.
Since the ARMS became an issue that was impacting my life, I have been tracking what I do and eat during the day and evening. Is it too much caffine? Nope. Is it dependant on drinking a beer after work? Nope. Sugar? Nope. Beef vs Chicken vs Pork? No. No. and No. In fact, thus far, after many times of having ARMS, I have found not one common denominator. Not one. And I don't have very much variety to my life. So really, there should be many common denominators. But there is not a ONE.
I tried to map stress. Do I have stress from work today? Yes. Last time? No. Stress at home? Never. Did I exercise at all today? Yes. Last time (and the time before that, and the time before that)? No.
Needless to say, I cannot figure out what is happening. Except that I am counting. Hours till I need to get up. And complaining on my blog (hmmmmm...common denominator? Maybe).
Insomnia sucks. ARMS sucks. I want to go to bed.
16 muses musing:
I have to say, I am grateful I have never suffered from full blown insomnia. Nights of not sleeping, yes.
I hope you get some sleep!
I hope you finally get some rest! I do the same thing, watching the clock. It's pure torture!
I have seen commercials about prescription relief for Restless Leg Syndrome -- is there something equivalent you can take for your arms? Or maybe the same thing? Maybe a muscle relaxant?
The best advice I got about insomnia is to hide all of your clocks, because then you won't be fixating on the time, and panicking.
oh man...sounds awful!!
i get the LEGS! and i can't sleep without some kind of pill...
my husband...asleep in the middle of a conversation...not me. i hate that for you...no fun!
i wouldn't know what to do if i could just lay down and go right to sleep like a normal person!!
You poor thing. I had to go to a sleep clinic last year because my acute insomnia was out of control. I was averaging an hour of sleep a night...and doing REALLY weird things I didn't remember doing until the next day, like rearranging the living room or emailing my boyfriend's ex to inquire whether "she'd had work done". LOLOL.
The clinic was a waste of time, btw.
We call RLS "jimmy legs" at my house. Sometimes I get a good night's sleep, others not so much.
Do you look forward to the morning and beginning a new day at work? Do you enjoy what you do and would never consider leaving for a dream job?
Other than that, your schedule might be so busy that you have too much to accomplish in too little time.
I worked in a horrible environment a few years ago. I could never sleep because I was traumatized by my supervisor and the idea of starting another day frustrated me. I left that job and after a months I was able to sleep again. It was horrid though.
Since then, I only am awake at night if I sleep too late in the morning.
Good luck! I hope you get some rest.
I don't know much, but I know that picture on your blog scared the crap out of me.
I have Insomnia too, and just like you...I never know when it will strike! I had it for an entire week at the beach last month. I got in the habit of taking Benadryl every night before bed, but then I realized that my body might become immuned to it and not work when I get stung by a bee which I am allergic too.
It's a good thing we have things like television and internet when Insomnia strikes. At least we can entertain ourselves while our minds our counting down the amount of hours or minutes we MIGHT get to sleep.
Seattle is America's Best Kept Secret - it rains less here than in Florida. :o)
I have periodic bouts where I can't sleep well and it is horrible so I can only imagine the horror that you are experiencing. Not getting enough sleep can ruin so much, and you are right .. you begin to stress about how you are not sleeping, thereby creating more stress that keeps you from sleeping. I hope you are able to find a solution that works for you.
You poor thing! I never sleep through the night but most nights I still get what I consider to be enough sleep.
I hope you are manufacturing some Zzzzs soon.
I feel for ya. I've discovered the best way to ensure that I sleep through most of the night is to go to bed very late. Of course, that doesn't result in me looking all perky on work days, but hey, at least I sleep through the night!
Ugh, that's miserable. I used to have terrible insomnia, then I had children. Three very young ones really affected my need for a good night's sleep and just how physically exhausted my mind and body are at the end of a loooong day. Seriously. I can't say the last time I had real insomnia. But I remember how miserable it was. Ugh!
~Shaye
I've suffered from chronic insomnia and I know how much it totally sucks. I finally had to start taking sleeping pills. I'm probably not suffering from it anymore but I'm too scared to stop taking the pills to test it out. I need my sleep!!!
Hope you find something that helps you sleep (and keeps your ARMS still)
I have totally struggled with insomnia too...in fact, again recently. It totally sucks.
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